how to find your YOU

Who are you?

It's a big question.

One that rarely gets asked directly

But is asked far more often than we think:

• "What's your favorite movie?" (who are you)

• "What’s your favorite band?" (who are you)

• "Been anywhere nice recently?" (who the fk are you)

In the past, I struggled to answer these questions.

I'd freeze up and stammer something noncommittal about whatever I watched or listened to in the previous 10 days that didn't make me switch it off or throw it on the floor or both.

So what’s happening here?

I love loads of films at different times for different reasons:

• I love Behind Enemy Lines because it reminds me of my brothers.

• I love Inception because it was my first Conceptual Nolan IMAX experience (or "colonaxscopy" for short)

• I love Gladiator for, well, everything about it

(Note you working through that sentence and thinking "interesting - so that's who he is is he…")

I love loads of actors

I have loads of favorite foods.

Whilst I love the game of the question, I also think it's stupid. You can't sum me up in one movie or book. So when the question gets asked, my first thought is:

"That's stupid."

But then the next one is:

"Shit -why can't I think of my favorite…blah blah blah. Who the fk am I?"

Why This Matters For Us

If we are the sum of our experiences, our learnings, and our choices - and our work is an expression of us, then it would probably be smart to get clear on what those influences are.

The clearer we are - the stronger our choices.

We must become the best we can be at being ourselves - our genius lies in making choices no one else will. And no one else can be us.

A Crisis

As I was coming up, I was met by refrain after refrain of the same thing:

“Just be yourself”

of if an acting teacher felt the need to be slightly more specific:

"Your choices should come from you, they should be personal, and they should be unique to you."

Still I was left feeling like a mumpty.

No one told me what a you was or how I could find one.

We’re just supposed to know who we are are we?

The fk we are

One day, after watching Lord of The Rings (fellowship), I said out loud to no one in particular, “This. This is one of my favorite films.”

Frustrated at not being able to recall that 16 hours previously, I opened a google sheets sheet, because I’m badass, and I wrote down Fellowship of the Ring so that I wouldn’t forget. Then I listed the creatives who were most responsible for why i felt that way:

As soon as I did, something funny happened. That spreadsheet suddenly felt valuable to me.

I built on it with time:

I started adding more than movies - books, podcasts, standups, composers, albums, teachers - anythings that I felt a deep connection to.

Then added a section where I explicitly explored why I felt that way.

And then

What actionable steps can make to emulate that in my own work?

aka. how can I use this?

As you can see, a side effect of trying to answer those questions was a more definite sense of where I wanted to go.

I had discovered my Map of Me.

So how do you make yours?

• Click here for my Map of Me template

• Go to File → click Make a Copy (this way it’s yours - no one else can see it or access it)

• Add to it:

  • Write down any film/book/tv series/actor/song/ and anything that you can remember that moved you.

  • Add to the list liberally. If you are unsure whether something should be on it, just put it down and come back to it.

• Use it:

  • Investigate why these specific influences affect you - what actionable steps can you make to use them for your own creations/auditions.

  • Remember this shouldn’t be a stale library, it’s a living breathing expression of what makes you you - keep adding, removing, exploring - it will grow as you do.

If you’re a mind map or mood board type of monkey - I bet they work just as well.

"Don't put me in a box, baby!”

Here's the truth: I am made up of many, many, many, many, many boxes. Some of those boxes will fall away, some will multiply and bring new boxes. And all of those boxes are contained in a bigger box called Alex mutherboxing Bhat.

Of course, even calling them boxes are limiting. They are really micro explosions. Clouds of ever-changing energy. The energy of the creators who made them. My influences.

It’s yours

Your Map of Me is personal to you - it should be your secret, or not - up to you. But it's for you, for no one else.

So it doesn't matter what you tell people when they ask that stupid "who are you" question

What matters is you know the answer.

The next time someone asks your favorite movie, you can say whatever the fk you want—because you've done the work of understanding your influences - you have discovered your map.

The world will find out soon enough where you're headed.

What I Made This Week

My brother is making a film.

This week he sent me over some youtube videos with very specific instructions how to watch them - essentially describing a scene that he is about to write.

From his direction I made a proof-of-concept of the proof-of-concept of the proof-of-concept of a trailer.

Enjoy:

Let me know what you thought about this week’s newsletter - loved it, hated it, wanted more screenshots of spreadsheets. Just hit reply and I’ll send you a GIF.

Also - In future editions I’m looking to showcase actors who are making their own work, if you or any one you know fits this bill, smack reply - I’d LOVE to hear about you/them.

Until next week,

A x

P.s. As always, if you know anyone who would be interested in the stuff we are - forward them this link. Or use the socials up top. I really do appreciate you, you mutherboxers.